Movie ratings as a euphemism

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Baseball has been a popular metaphor for sex for at least the last 60 years, particularly among adolescents according to Wikipedia. I’m sure we all know of at least one reference in popular culture to the “base” system. Everybody learns what the bases mean at some point. But the system is old, and could use a modern twist.

It’s time to retire the “base” system in favour of something more in tune with today’s pop culture… movies! I’m going to follow the Canadian Home Video Rating System, because, well, I’m Canadian, and nearly everything is rated-R in the American system. This Film Is Not Yet Rated has revealed just how worthless those MPAA ratings really are.

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Urinal Etiquette

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Paper in a urinalAlright, this article is for all the men out there that don’t know how to use a urinal. Almost every time I visit a public washroom, I see paper in one of the urinals.


In case you haven’t noticed, urinals are not capable of flushing paper. Paper is not provided. So that means these dumbasses go and get paper from either a paper towel or toilet paper dispenser and knowingly put it in the urinal. This is absolutely disgusting! Why? What purpose is served by this? If you need to use paper while doing your business, you shouldn’t be using a urinal.

If you’re one of those people who do this… don’t. Just don’t. It’s gross and it’s wrong.

Breakup Etiquette

Thursday, February 7, 2008

With St. Valentine’s Day around the corner, love is in the air everywhere you go. Unfortunately most relationships do not get a storybook ending. Breaking up is always messy business. Someone always gets hurt, but unless you’re a sadist you’re not supposed to like it. So what’s the best way to end it?

Cut off all ties
You don’t actually break it off… you just don’t contact them anymore. This can also involve blocking e-mail addresses, phone numbers and online ties like Facebook and MSN. This is a terrible way to go if you’re in an actual relationship. If you’ve had a couple of dates or a one-night-stand, you can probably get away with it. But would you want to? Any more than that and you’ll probably cause a devastating emotional blow to your ex. The only exception to the rule would be if you’re trying to escape from an abusive relationship. Conclusion: Cowardly and mean-spirited.

E-mail / SMS / Letter
You can drop the bad news in a letter. In print you can make a logical argument or get as nasty as you want without having to see or hear any of the fallout. After the deed is done you can block their e-mail address, or in the case of snail mail, “return to sender” and just walk away. Very classy.

Over the phone
This is generally acceptable if you’ve had a short relationship, measured in the weeks rather than months. You don’t have to deal with looking him or her in the eyes when you break the news which is easier on you, but the other person at least gets to interact with you. You can talk about why you want to break up; but, they’re going to ask some tough questions of you.

In person
You know this is the best way to break the news, but it’s the hardest. You have to look your lover in the eyes and tell him or her you don’t want to be with them anymore. There could be kicking and screaming, shouting and crying involved, and it could go on for hours. I’m sure you’d rather be sailing, but it’s one of those things that just has to be done. It’s a way of showing respect to the other person, although the breakupee probably won’t see it that way.

I need a new BlackBerry!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

My trusty BlackBerry 8700 is nearly at the end of its useful life. It’s been in service to me for about eight months; sadly the scroll wheel is almost dead. Eight months is a rather disappointing lifespan for a cell phone, don’t you think? But, on the bright side I can look on it as an opportunity to get a new one! But which one should I get? Research in Motion now has a good lineup of products to choose from…

BlackBerry 8700
I already have one of these, so I’d know exactly what I’m getting. The 8700 is an older model now; it’s the only one left that still uses a scroll wheel. I really miss having decent media support, for example. At 134 grams, it’s got considerable bulk and heft. No, I think I’ll try for a newer model.

Rest in peace 8700

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Proof that Toronto Doesn’t Suck

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Sidewalk Plough in Ottawa, Ontario

As a resident of Toronto, I’m proud not to participate in the national passtime of Toronto-bashing.

This was re-inforced today after I spent some time this afternoon shovelling snow as Toronto and neighbouring suburbs have received 15-20 centimetres of precipitation over the last couple of days.

How you ask? As I was shovelling snow, the sidewalk dude drove by. I had already done some yesterday, and the snowfall between now and then had already been packed down on the sidewalk, so he didn’t have much to do. I nodded “have a nice day” as he passed, and went about my work. A few minutes later as I’d reached the end of the driveway and had started clearing that heavy snow at the edge we all know and hate, sidewalk dude was on his way back on the other side of the street.

The nice man driving the sidewalk plow saw my struggle and stopped his plow. He crossed the street and cleared that horrible muck at the end of the driveway for me!

How awesome is that!?